With so much sh#t mounting in the world – dog poop on the sidewalk, overflowing human waste in heavily-trafficked tourist areas, sewage plants banned (like in the West Bank) – we need some kind of magic formula to get rid of it. And now we need look no further.
Professor Oded Shoseyov from the Hebrew University in Jerusalem has invented Ashpoopie – a contraption that delivers “special formula” to dog or human waste which almost immediately turns the feces into ash. If this sounds far-fetched to you, don’t worry, we had the same reaction, but closer analysis shows that if this stuff is as safe and cheap as its publicist claims, we potentially have a revolutionary product on our hands that can solve all of the world’s sh#tty problems.
The magic formula of Ashpoopie
Cleaning up dog turds left on the street with plastic bags that won’t degrade for hundreds of years is not an effective solution to getting rid of “shoe mines,” according to Paulee CleanTec. Rather than get rid of the waste, it ends up being shuffled to some other place.
What we really need is something that will make it vanish altogether. Ashpoopie does just that. Well, almost.
Within ten seconds after it is mixed with what the company calls a “cheap and safe” special formula – which magic ingredients have yet to be disclosed – the poop becomes an odorless and completely sterile ash that can be vacuum packed. But Wait, the best is yet to come.
Using human poop as fertilizer
Ashpoopie won’t only rid the streets of New York City, Tel Aviv, and other dog-friendly urban environments of these nuisance piles; but it will also turn human waste into fertilizer and generate electricity!
Paulee’s Spokespeople Mr. Moshe Hibel and Dr Yaeli Pintchuck claim that the same patent is being used to develop SCHT – Self Contained Human Toilets.
According to Dr. Yaeli Pintchuck:
This patent will be used for: Portable / chemical toilets which have no connection to any sewage system. Shortly we can say that based on the formula that we use (cheap and safe chemical) the feces will turn to sterile ash in seconds and will leave about 10-20% of the original “portion” – the ash can be evacuated once in a long while and then can be used as fertilizer.
This toilet will even generate its own energy by capturing heat energy from the process required to convert the feces into ash and converting into electricity. Failing that, according to Dr. Pintchuck, a solar panel can be installed.
Cleaning pollution in the Nile
Paulee’s poop-to-ash converter has numerous applications. It can be used to clean up the Falucca boats that pollute the Nile River and other waterbound vessels, as well as on airplanes, buses, and trains. It’s also a superb solution for dealing with high quantities of human waste at music festivals and poor villages that lack access to a sewage plant. This stuff can literally be used anywhere.
By now you’re probably expecting Ashpoopie to cost hundreds of dollars, right? Maybe not. Although the cost of the initial outlay has not been established, a month’s supply of small capsules – enough to clean up after one dog – will cost between $10 and $20. Human applications, by virtue of volumes, would probably cost a bit more. Unless you own a Great Dane.
Professor Oded Shoseyov’s expects Ashpoopie to be available in retail outlets by the second quarter of 2012.
2020 update: looks like Ashpoopie never made it to production.
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