There is an expression from Jewish sages: choose a rabbi, buy a friend. Research now shows that at least the second part of the expression rings true when put to the test.
Researchers found that the next time you’re looking to cheer up a friend or loved one, giving them a small gift — flowers, candy, a homemade treat — may lift their spirits faster and better than a supportive talk or text chat.
A new research paper co-authored by Hillary Wiener, assistant professor of marketing at UAlbany’s Massry School of Business, finds that receivers of support “perceive a gift to be a larger sacrifice” by the support giver rather than a conversation. This perceived difference in sacrifice results in gifts being more effective at “promoting emotional recovery” or, in other words, making recipients feel better.
The paper, “Money can buy me love: Gifts are a more effective form of acute social support than conversations,” was published in the Journal of Consumer Psychology. Co-authors are Holly Howe from HEC Montreal and Tanya Chartrand from Duke University.
“A gift that’s given — outside of a birthday or holidays — feels more like they were really thinking about you. They went out of their way to do something special for you,” Wiener says of the findings. “And it’s that feeling of being cared about that makes people feel better.”
The research deployed seven studies, including a behavioral analysis of live interactions between 81 pairs of genuine friends with actual sacrifices of time and money. In that study, the friends were assigned roles of “support givers” and “support receivers.”
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The latter group wrote private notes, unseen by researchers, about situations for which they wanted support. The former group, the givers, were further divided to either give a small gift or to have a talk with their friend. Researchers checked to ensure the gifts and time were of comparable value. As expected, the support recipients reported feeling better after receiving the gifts versus having the talks. The six other studies examined aspects such as why recipients perceive gifts as a larger sacrifice, the intentionality of the gift and how direct enjoyment plays a role.
Wiener knows that the finding may seem counterintuitive, perhaps even controversial to some.
“I think there’s this idea in society that … talking to others can be difficult and that you shouldn’t just buy your way out of doing it,” says Wiener. “What I really like about this finding is that it’s kind of a win-win where the thing that feels easier for the giver is actually more beneficial for the recipient.”
Wiener and her research partners acknowledge more studies need to be done and caution that constant gifts and higher perceived levels of sacrifice could actually cause feelings of indebtedness or even guilt in the recipient. If you’re thinking that springing for a shared gift experience, like a spa treatment or kayaking trip is the perfect answer, the researchers say to consider that the gesture could be perceived by the recipient as partially self-motivated.
